I had an interesting chat with a few people, and the subject just popped into my mind. It seemed very simple for women but not for men.

Men often refused to share the same bed, saying things like “not gay” or “not comfortable sleeping with a man.” I remember back in 1989, my ex-boyfriend was forced to sleep in the same bed as my dad. He told me he wasn’t comfortable sleeping with him. My mother arranged this because she didn’t want me to sleep with my boyfriend, so I ended up sleeping with her instead.

Women often have sleepovers from their teenage years, which is why slumber parties became so popular. They can share a bed like sisters or cousins. I remember a few years ago reserving a room and finding out there was only one king-size bed. My roommate was a married woman who admitted she didn’t feel comfortable sleeping next to me because she was loyal to her marriage. I told her we could make it work, and we did just fine. We’re both thin, so there was plenty of space between us on the king-size bed.

I’m writing because I recently attended a conference where this came up. A married woman asked to share a bed with me at the inn. I arranged for two men to share a bed instead, but one quickly said, “No, I won’t sleep with him because I’m not gay.” Another man agreed to share the bed, and that’s when the details began.

Last weekend, I booked a room with two beds. My roommate wasn’t comfortable with me, so I ended up feeling uneasy around her as well.

I often slept alone. Will you share with me?

Will you share with men?

~ DW